In 2004 my high school acting teacher took his own life. I had not seen him in many years when it happened and when I heard the news I was shocked. Devastated. And every single year, on the anniversary of his death, I can’t help but to think why. Why did he do it?
To me, Todd Casper was an inspiration. He was the person who got me interested in acting. He was a person of great joy. His laughter was contagious and hysterical to hear. He led a group of high school theater misfits with a smile and determination. He was one of the happiest people I had ever known.
Then one day, in 2004, he pulled his car off the side of the road, and he set himself on fire.
I share that detail for a reason.
Todd Casper, to me, was always happy. And he made me happy through his teaching and his coaching and his friendship.
But to take his life in such a way shows me the pain and agony he was really in.
And I’ll never know why he did what he did.
We are all individuals in this world. All with our own stories and our own past. It is hard enough to navigate our own fears and worries and pain, let alone trying to understand others.
Life is so fragile and fleeting. We may never know why someone hurts. And no one is invincible from pain. Whether it is a soldier returning from war or a high school acting teacher who inspired so many students.
I may never know why Todd Casper ended his life. But in his death, he may have taught me one last lesson.
Take care of yourself. Be honest with the burden you may be carrying. And if you can, know that there are others who will drop everything to help. Even strangers.
Reach out. To anyone you can. There are people who want to listen. Who want to help.
And if you are able, if you can, be ready to reach out your hands in return. This should be a driving force in our society. Help those around us, in any way we can.
Life is fragile. And beautiful. And sometimes… we all need a little help.
If you are a soldier in need, here is a link for an organization created in Todd’s hometown. http://save22.vet/
If you need help, please, reach out. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
And now I’m crying… I hope he knew the difference he made in all of our lives.
This remains one of the great tragedies.
(And I always fondly remember you and Ben harassing the shit out of him for this photo back then ❤️)
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this piece. He was so instrumental in so many of our lives.